A Matter of Identity

Over the period of the last seven years, I have become increasingly impressed with the power of identity – ergo the title of this blog. The big revolution in my thinking came by learning that the notion of identity is a paradoxical one. Identity is not the definition of what makes an individual unique, but the groups to which the individual belongs. In complex societies, people may become more unique by having a unique selection of groups to which they belong. Yet, the more complex a person’s identity profile, the more latitude they may have in terms behavior deemed appropriate for them, but the more that they and the people around them become confused as to that person’s place in society. That confusion has consequences.

I am an American; I am a Dutchman. I am an intellectual; I am a manual worker. I am a man; I am a feminist. I am a serious thinker; I am a gamer nerd. Etc.; etc. These descriptions are labels that define me as being together with other people who carry those labels. None of these are actual opposites, but they do hint at paradoxes. They trigger stereotypes and expectations of behavior. As an American I’m expected to be a loudmouth braggart. As a Dutchman, not so much. As an intellectual, I’m expected to inhabit an ivory tower removed from reality; as a manual worker, I’m expected to not think, but do. As a man, I’m expected to be masculine; as a feminist I’m expected to be feminine. As a thinker about serious things, I’m expected to not like playing games with plastic spaceships.

People like to have their expectations met. It helps them orient themselves in the world. Disturb that too much, and people start to dislike you. Expectations also help people know what to do with you, and if you confuse that, they don’t know what to do with you – and as a result – have no use for you. More consequential still, this is not only true of other people: it’s true of ourselves as well. We also need guideposts to our own behavior and place in society. Somewhere between our own expectations of ourselves, and others’ expectations of us, we negotiate that place in society. If these expectations are too confused – within ourselves as well as with others – then finding and negotiating a place in society is troubled.